One of the most frequent mistakes newbie writers make is switching the POV (POV = point of view).
They tend to start the scene from the point of view of one character, then suddenly switch to another character, then switch back, and forth, and so on and on.
Gary snatched his mobile and dialed Alex. It couldn’t be true, he was certain, yet he needed to hear it from Alexander, his friend of forty years. It’s not him, he was thinking, counting the seconds. It’s not him.
But as he heard Alex’s hoarse “Yes,” Gary hung up the phone.
Alexander stared at the screen of his cell phone. It was Gary calling.
Has anything happened? he wondered, hitting Gary’s number on the quick dial. After almost a minute he had to disconnect. Gary didn’t answer. Staring at the screen of his phone with Alexander’s name flashing across it, he was shaking with anger, with despair and fear.
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